"An anxious person cannot pray with
faith; when troubled about the world, instead of serving your Master,
your thoughts are serving you. If you would 'seek first the kingdom of
God and His righteousness,' all things would then be added to you. You
are meddling with Christ's business and neglecting your own when you
fret about your lot and circumstances. You have been trying
'providing' work and forgetting that it is your job to obey. Be wise
and attend to the obeying, and let Christ manage the providing. Come
and survey your Father's storehouse, and ask whether He will let you
starve while He has laid up so great an abundance in His garner? Look
at His heart of mercy; see if that can ever prove unkind! Look at His
inscrutable wisdom; see if that will ever be at fault. Above all, look
up to Jesus Christ your Intercessor, and ask yourself, while He pleads,
can your Father deal ungraciously with you? If He remembers even
sparrows, will He forget one of the least of His poor children?"
-C.H. Spurgeon, Morning and Evening (Dec 19 - Morning)
I tossed and turned into the wee hours last night. Just a few thoughts kept circulating through my mind, and all of the possibilities and permutations branching off of them, round and round and round. And I just couldn't shake it.
"Another year," I kept thinking
. "Another year closer to my adult life. Where will I live? Will I be able to provide for myself? What will I do if I have an emergency? How will I pay my bills? Yes, I'm grateful for God's blessing up until now, but that will only take me so far. What if I don't get into the grad program I want to get into? Am I preparing in the right ways? Am I doing the right things to get ready for grad school? Can I really compete...?"So I got up and turned on my lamp and started to journal. It was just me and the Lord and the tip-tip-tipping of my Macbook in the early morning. I told the Lord of my hope for success, of my fear of failure, of my uncertainty in my ability. In His everlasting grace, He reminded me that He is "not a man that He should lie, nor a son of man that He shoould change His mind" (Num 23:19) and that His plans for me are good ones, to prosper me and give me a hope and a future, (Jer 29:11) and that Jesus' sacrifice is the bedrock of my hope. My ability has nothing to do with my hope.
The Lord's comforting voice was so clear to me in those hours. He gave me such confidence that He knows what is best for me and that He will never forsake me, one of His own. He gave me certainty in His
perfect, flawless plan. Confidence that He is faithfully revealing it and confidence that He will guide me always. Confidence that He will not abandon me. Ultimately, confidence in my Savior's atoning sacrifice. I have no reason to worry or fret.
It's just good to be a Christian.
Oh Lord, You care for all the earth
The flowers and the birds
You provide their daily bread
How much more You have cared for me
You met my greatest need
When Christ hung on the tree
So I know that You'll provide for me
Oh God, I trust in You
I trust in You I trust in You
In whatever I may face I will trust Your sovereign grace
I will always trust in You
-Stephen Altrogge, "You'll Provide for Me"
from In a Little While
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